11 Things I Have Learned in 2011

This is the first new years eve that I will spend quietly at home with just my husband and our dogs. To quote the wisdom of Blink 182,  "I guess this is growing up." In years passed we have had friends over, gone to parties, I dont remember some of what I did for reasons I will not delve into here... However, I thought now is a great time to take a look at what I would take into 2012 and what I would leave behind.
So here is my list, take it or leave it:

11) Time goes by too quickly (just as Kim Kardashian) 
The people and things in our lives may be gone in a moment, time with family is over in an instant, friends come and go, the ones we love can deploy over night. Simply put, the world will keep moving even if we try to stand still. Maybe I will take more walks on the beach, for some reason change is always obvious to me there and semi - permanence is normal.

10) The good friends watch your dog.

A good friend will make sure your dog has food, you catch your plane, you have something to eat for lunch, your bad mood is not really that bad, the complaints you text them about your husband stay confidential. These friends are indispensable. These friends have the key to your house and the key to your heart. Sometimes they even make living away from family feel like one long vacation.

9) Justin Beiber's haircut does not look good on everyone but encouragement does. 
It is always easier to tear someone down than it is to build someone up. I have to tell myself this every day.

8) If you were meant to have her life you would. If you were meant to have her size jeans...
This lesson is similar to the lesson of the beebs. For some reason this year I have run into many people wishing and hoping for the life of someone else. I guess what I have learned from this is put up or shut up. I think there is a willy wonka song about that.

7) WWDD
What would Dory do? Just keep swimming. Sometimes I think that the answer to some of life's more difficult problems can be answered in any given Disney movie. Notice a trend here? There are only but so many people in your life that are willing to listen to you bitch (save your facebook newsfeed). Those people are the ones that are rooting for you so do them a favor and keep on keepin on! Keep swimming, keep trying, pick yourself up by the bootstraps son. You get it... we have become a nation of, "meehhh but I cant".  We were born from a nation of, "if we dont then who will?"

8) If you write something on a 3X5 card someone will read it.
It is hard to say what you feel. Say it. It is important to someone.

7) Keep things in perspective 

It is too hot in July, it is too cold in January, it rains, your feet hurt, your job sucks, you aren't appreciated, you don't get paid enough...
Walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
















6) Laugh when it is hardest 

Laughter is the cure to most things. Guaranteed or your money back.

5) Keep your promises 
Dont say it if you dont mean it. Dont promise it if you cant keep it. Its simple really. Apparently, its harder to do than it might seem.

4) Say thank you. (You dont have to be Sarah McLaughlin)
Thank a Veteran, Thank their spouse. Thank a friend.... say thank you! Two words.

3) You are not entitled 
Everything must be earned. Nothing is free. I guess this is where the 3X5 cards come back into play.

2) Grudges are hard to let go of... Sarah Michelle Gellar would agree. 
Im still working on this one. Get back to me next year.

1) 11?
Everything we learn in a year could not fit in to a top 11 or even a top 20. It is important that we stop and take a look around. Goodbyes are never easy, friends leave, friends stay, some family supports us and some could never understand but every day offers a new lesson.

Cheers to you 2012... May all of the deployments be safe and short.

The end of Iraq?

I read a news article today about the announced ending of the Iraq war... we've heard this before. But, instead of trying to understand the timing of such things I chose to think about the 3.
I refer to them as the 3 because to me they represent all of the fallen. The 3 are 3 Marines that rarely get talked about in my home. However, their memory walks the halls, joins us for holidays, lives on my husband's shoulders, and will be in his breath every single day of our lives. They represent every Marine that has been lost in the history of the Corps and to my husband they represent every Marine that was lost with 1/6 in 2006- 2007 when he fought in the sandbox. The 3 were his close friends... the 3 never came home... the 3 were heroes... 3
We all have people in our lives that we believe would die for us. My husband knows of 3 that did... Im sure he knows of more but he does not tell me the stories that would keep me up at night because I am certain that he fears one day it will all be too much for me to handle. My burden is far less than his, than the 3.
At the Christmas time, and many times throughout the year, I often think of the 3 and the ones they left behind. I know my husband thinks of them far more than he cares to talk about.

Thank you to all of you. To those that came home, to those that didnt and to the 3.

Calling ID?

Recently I began to think about my calling in life. How exactly am I supposed to know what I want to be when I grow up. Granted, I am an adult but theortically I am not even middle aged so that makes me somewhat child like... right? My point is that my husband enlisted at the age of 17 and really enjoys what he does. He doesnt question it and says that he does it because its the right thing to do. It is truly his calling in life to come to the aid of others and he is willing to die for it. I spent 9 years in college trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and came out with 3 college degrees, people call me Dr., and I know that I want to make the world a better place. But, in reality what I really want to know is how do people know when they have found it. Found that thing that makes them who they are. At the end of the day, if I have helped one person feel good about themselves I know that I have done the world a service. I can feel good about myself if I have repaid to the world what I have taken from it but, I would love to find that thing that feeling that makes me bounce of out bed in the morning knowing I have truly made a difference. They say that Marines dont have that problem.

Why don't you do something?

For the past few days I have been a bit perplexed with the wall street protestors. Now I understand protesting, I even support it to a degree. But it left me with the question of when are we all going to begin to take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions and stop blaming others? How long will we spend too much on homes we cant afford, max out our credit cards, buy SUVs and then complain about how much it costs to put gas in them, before we take a moment to realize that doing all of these things has nothing to do with anyone else.
I guess my point is that yes, there are people on wall street that are not doing the right thing. Yes, the mortgage industry has qualified people for home loans that are not within their means. Yes, credit card companies charge extremely high interest rates. But, none of this is a secret.
We have the power to refuse to sign up for credit cards. We have the power to buy smaller homes at prices we can afford. We have the power to invest our money in safer securities. Gasp, we even have the power to buy smaller and more efficient cars that may not fit all of our luggage for our trip to Vermont but chances are if I cant afford to put gas in my Suburban I have no business taking a drive to Vermont in the first place. The point is change is ours and it is no ones fault when we refuse to make smart choices.

There comes a time when we must stand up not against others but for ourselves. I was often told throughout my time in law school that you are not fit to stand up for the rights of another if you can not stand up for yourself.

What if?

For most of my life I have been concerned with the what if. What if I take a vacation on a whim? What if I fail this test? What if something happens to my husband on deployment? What if we get orders to a new place? What if, what if, what if...
Recently, I thought that maybe I was going about this all wrong. Maybe, it should be what if I dont. What if it doesnt...
My boss told me a story the other day about a woman that decided not to look in a mirror for an entire  year. She learned to do her hair and put on minimal makeup without any assistance from any reflective surface and even adjusted the way she drove a car. The purpose of this exercise was so that she could begin to see herself differently. She wanted to see herself for what she brought to the world not what she looked like while she did it. Essentially, she wanted to change her perspective.
One of the things that used to drive me crazy about my husband was the ease with which he would spend money. If he wanted something and he had the money to buy it he went and got it. He did little research, didnt consult me, and just came home with whatever it was he wanted with no regard to the cost and no regard for tomorrow. I used to think, "my God how does this not make him nervous, what if he spent too much"? Then I realized. He has a different point of view. He lives for what if I dont.
My husband has seen the worst of humanity and literally gets shot at for his pay check. To him, there is no reason to worry about tomorrow when he can enjoy today in all of its glory. He does not worry that something will happen to him on deployments. He thinks about the time he will spend if it doesnt.
This refreshing outlook made me feel like I wasnt wasting time or accomplishing less it made me see that  what I should be worried about is what if I dont. What if I dont use every minute of every day to enjoy this beautiful life.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Wives

I have been so busy lately with work and tying up loose ends that I have not taken much time lately to have any fun. So this weekend I did just that. I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with two very dear friends who came into my life because of the Marine Corps. We are all here at Camp Lejeune and bonded together because of our second job... being Marine's wives.

I have always had groups of friends that I was bonded to for various reasons whether it be because I have crammed for exams with them into the wee hours of the morning, acted like a belligerent frat boy with them until wee hours of the morning, gone through something tragic and life altering, been able to trust them, or just really loved being around them. Some friends come and some go and there are really very few friends that you can count on when you are down and out to be there for you. I was lucky at a young age to learn that some people have a deep sense of loyalty and friendship and some will cut and run at the earliest sign of need. I have also been fortunate to maintain some fantastic friendships with friends that I met before I married the Corps. However, this life has changed me. Drastically. Some friends get that and others dont. Quite frankly it isnt anyones burden to bare but my own and I am fine with that.

I suppose what I am trying to get at is that I have found a very small very bonded group of friends that I would trust with my life and it is because I have to and they would never let me down. I am 13 hours from any family. My husband is often thousands of miles away from home and I am left with friends to rely on when my tire goes flat, my dishwasher breaks, or God forbid worse. Lets be honest, some friends will hold your hair back and some will toss a rubber band at you and close the door on their way out.


Living my life as a Marine's wife has its ups and downs and often the ups far outweigh the downs. I consider myself so very lucky to have found friendship and sisterhood with the women that I have met along this journey. I have found friends that have opened their homes to me for holidays, driven me to the airport at 3am, comforted me when my husband has left on a last minute deployment and would never ever let me down. Friends that would never judge me. I will never be the same because of the experiences that I have been so lucky to have. Some day when I am an old women I will look back on this time in my life and know that I have made more than friends, I have found sisters.

The 4th of July is more than Lee Greenwood

I am preaching to the converted when I talk to a military spouse or her/his family about what the 4th of July means. This year however, I was brought to a point of reflection on this day that means so very much to so many people.
There is a framed photo of myself, my husband, and one of our dogs that sits in our living room from a 4th of July four years ago. It was the first that he and I shared together where his feet were on American soil. For me it was especially significant for that reason. Of course the picture is cropped at a funny angle and the dog is terrified, the picture is by no means magic. It is all that it encompasses that means everything to me.
My husband and I were dating at the time and hadnt been together all that long. He had just returned from nine long months in Iraq and I was obsessive about making him take me to see fireworks. We drove deep onto the Marine base and now that I look back I feel bad because as I oohhheed and ahhhhhed over each firework he cringed at the sound they made as they went off. It is now after five years together and four deployments that I now know those fireworks are more then the celebration of the birth of our United States. To a Marine they symbolize much more.
Each flash may remind of a flare, each boom of a mortar round, and each picnic a reminder that someone didnt come back. We have so much to celebrate and so much to be thankful for. One day can not ever be enough so we must look back on what we have every single day.
This year we are going back to watch fireworks in the same place that we did years ago and we will remember those that have fallen for freedom. We will take another photo, we will bring both dogs, and we will remember.  We can not thank you enough but we will do our best to live our lives to make you proud.