11 Things I Have Learned in 2011

This is the first new years eve that I will spend quietly at home with just my husband and our dogs. To quote the wisdom of Blink 182,  "I guess this is growing up." In years passed we have had friends over, gone to parties, I dont remember some of what I did for reasons I will not delve into here... However, I thought now is a great time to take a look at what I would take into 2012 and what I would leave behind.
So here is my list, take it or leave it:

11) Time goes by too quickly (just as Kim Kardashian) 
The people and things in our lives may be gone in a moment, time with family is over in an instant, friends come and go, the ones we love can deploy over night. Simply put, the world will keep moving even if we try to stand still. Maybe I will take more walks on the beach, for some reason change is always obvious to me there and semi - permanence is normal.

10) The good friends watch your dog.

A good friend will make sure your dog has food, you catch your plane, you have something to eat for lunch, your bad mood is not really that bad, the complaints you text them about your husband stay confidential. These friends are indispensable. These friends have the key to your house and the key to your heart. Sometimes they even make living away from family feel like one long vacation.

9) Justin Beiber's haircut does not look good on everyone but encouragement does. 
It is always easier to tear someone down than it is to build someone up. I have to tell myself this every day.

8) If you were meant to have her life you would. If you were meant to have her size jeans...
This lesson is similar to the lesson of the beebs. For some reason this year I have run into many people wishing and hoping for the life of someone else. I guess what I have learned from this is put up or shut up. I think there is a willy wonka song about that.

7) WWDD
What would Dory do? Just keep swimming. Sometimes I think that the answer to some of life's more difficult problems can be answered in any given Disney movie. Notice a trend here? There are only but so many people in your life that are willing to listen to you bitch (save your facebook newsfeed). Those people are the ones that are rooting for you so do them a favor and keep on keepin on! Keep swimming, keep trying, pick yourself up by the bootstraps son. You get it... we have become a nation of, "meehhh but I cant".  We were born from a nation of, "if we dont then who will?"

8) If you write something on a 3X5 card someone will read it.
It is hard to say what you feel. Say it. It is important to someone.

7) Keep things in perspective 

It is too hot in July, it is too cold in January, it rains, your feet hurt, your job sucks, you aren't appreciated, you don't get paid enough...
Walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
















6) Laugh when it is hardest 

Laughter is the cure to most things. Guaranteed or your money back.

5) Keep your promises 
Dont say it if you dont mean it. Dont promise it if you cant keep it. Its simple really. Apparently, its harder to do than it might seem.

4) Say thank you. (You dont have to be Sarah McLaughlin)
Thank a Veteran, Thank their spouse. Thank a friend.... say thank you! Two words.

3) You are not entitled 
Everything must be earned. Nothing is free. I guess this is where the 3X5 cards come back into play.

2) Grudges are hard to let go of... Sarah Michelle Gellar would agree. 
Im still working on this one. Get back to me next year.

1) 11?
Everything we learn in a year could not fit in to a top 11 or even a top 20. It is important that we stop and take a look around. Goodbyes are never easy, friends leave, friends stay, some family supports us and some could never understand but every day offers a new lesson.

Cheers to you 2012... May all of the deployments be safe and short.

The end of Iraq?

I read a news article today about the announced ending of the Iraq war... we've heard this before. But, instead of trying to understand the timing of such things I chose to think about the 3.
I refer to them as the 3 because to me they represent all of the fallen. The 3 are 3 Marines that rarely get talked about in my home. However, their memory walks the halls, joins us for holidays, lives on my husband's shoulders, and will be in his breath every single day of our lives. They represent every Marine that has been lost in the history of the Corps and to my husband they represent every Marine that was lost with 1/6 in 2006- 2007 when he fought in the sandbox. The 3 were his close friends... the 3 never came home... the 3 were heroes... 3
We all have people in our lives that we believe would die for us. My husband knows of 3 that did... Im sure he knows of more but he does not tell me the stories that would keep me up at night because I am certain that he fears one day it will all be too much for me to handle. My burden is far less than his, than the 3.
At the Christmas time, and many times throughout the year, I often think of the 3 and the ones they left behind. I know my husband thinks of them far more than he cares to talk about.

Thank you to all of you. To those that came home, to those that didnt and to the 3.

Calling ID?

Recently I began to think about my calling in life. How exactly am I supposed to know what I want to be when I grow up. Granted, I am an adult but theortically I am not even middle aged so that makes me somewhat child like... right? My point is that my husband enlisted at the age of 17 and really enjoys what he does. He doesnt question it and says that he does it because its the right thing to do. It is truly his calling in life to come to the aid of others and he is willing to die for it. I spent 9 years in college trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and came out with 3 college degrees, people call me Dr., and I know that I want to make the world a better place. But, in reality what I really want to know is how do people know when they have found it. Found that thing that makes them who they are. At the end of the day, if I have helped one person feel good about themselves I know that I have done the world a service. I can feel good about myself if I have repaid to the world what I have taken from it but, I would love to find that thing that feeling that makes me bounce of out bed in the morning knowing I have truly made a difference. They say that Marines dont have that problem.

Why don't you do something?

For the past few days I have been a bit perplexed with the wall street protestors. Now I understand protesting, I even support it to a degree. But it left me with the question of when are we all going to begin to take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions and stop blaming others? How long will we spend too much on homes we cant afford, max out our credit cards, buy SUVs and then complain about how much it costs to put gas in them, before we take a moment to realize that doing all of these things has nothing to do with anyone else.
I guess my point is that yes, there are people on wall street that are not doing the right thing. Yes, the mortgage industry has qualified people for home loans that are not within their means. Yes, credit card companies charge extremely high interest rates. But, none of this is a secret.
We have the power to refuse to sign up for credit cards. We have the power to buy smaller homes at prices we can afford. We have the power to invest our money in safer securities. Gasp, we even have the power to buy smaller and more efficient cars that may not fit all of our luggage for our trip to Vermont but chances are if I cant afford to put gas in my Suburban I have no business taking a drive to Vermont in the first place. The point is change is ours and it is no ones fault when we refuse to make smart choices.

There comes a time when we must stand up not against others but for ourselves. I was often told throughout my time in law school that you are not fit to stand up for the rights of another if you can not stand up for yourself.

What if?

For most of my life I have been concerned with the what if. What if I take a vacation on a whim? What if I fail this test? What if something happens to my husband on deployment? What if we get orders to a new place? What if, what if, what if...
Recently, I thought that maybe I was going about this all wrong. Maybe, it should be what if I dont. What if it doesnt...
My boss told me a story the other day about a woman that decided not to look in a mirror for an entire  year. She learned to do her hair and put on minimal makeup without any assistance from any reflective surface and even adjusted the way she drove a car. The purpose of this exercise was so that she could begin to see herself differently. She wanted to see herself for what she brought to the world not what she looked like while she did it. Essentially, she wanted to change her perspective.
One of the things that used to drive me crazy about my husband was the ease with which he would spend money. If he wanted something and he had the money to buy it he went and got it. He did little research, didnt consult me, and just came home with whatever it was he wanted with no regard to the cost and no regard for tomorrow. I used to think, "my God how does this not make him nervous, what if he spent too much"? Then I realized. He has a different point of view. He lives for what if I dont.
My husband has seen the worst of humanity and literally gets shot at for his pay check. To him, there is no reason to worry about tomorrow when he can enjoy today in all of its glory. He does not worry that something will happen to him on deployments. He thinks about the time he will spend if it doesnt.
This refreshing outlook made me feel like I wasnt wasting time or accomplishing less it made me see that  what I should be worried about is what if I dont. What if I dont use every minute of every day to enjoy this beautiful life.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Wives

I have been so busy lately with work and tying up loose ends that I have not taken much time lately to have any fun. So this weekend I did just that. I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend with two very dear friends who came into my life because of the Marine Corps. We are all here at Camp Lejeune and bonded together because of our second job... being Marine's wives.

I have always had groups of friends that I was bonded to for various reasons whether it be because I have crammed for exams with them into the wee hours of the morning, acted like a belligerent frat boy with them until wee hours of the morning, gone through something tragic and life altering, been able to trust them, or just really loved being around them. Some friends come and some go and there are really very few friends that you can count on when you are down and out to be there for you. I was lucky at a young age to learn that some people have a deep sense of loyalty and friendship and some will cut and run at the earliest sign of need. I have also been fortunate to maintain some fantastic friendships with friends that I met before I married the Corps. However, this life has changed me. Drastically. Some friends get that and others dont. Quite frankly it isnt anyones burden to bare but my own and I am fine with that.

I suppose what I am trying to get at is that I have found a very small very bonded group of friends that I would trust with my life and it is because I have to and they would never let me down. I am 13 hours from any family. My husband is often thousands of miles away from home and I am left with friends to rely on when my tire goes flat, my dishwasher breaks, or God forbid worse. Lets be honest, some friends will hold your hair back and some will toss a rubber band at you and close the door on their way out.


Living my life as a Marine's wife has its ups and downs and often the ups far outweigh the downs. I consider myself so very lucky to have found friendship and sisterhood with the women that I have met along this journey. I have found friends that have opened their homes to me for holidays, driven me to the airport at 3am, comforted me when my husband has left on a last minute deployment and would never ever let me down. Friends that would never judge me. I will never be the same because of the experiences that I have been so lucky to have. Some day when I am an old women I will look back on this time in my life and know that I have made more than friends, I have found sisters.

The 4th of July is more than Lee Greenwood

I am preaching to the converted when I talk to a military spouse or her/his family about what the 4th of July means. This year however, I was brought to a point of reflection on this day that means so very much to so many people.
There is a framed photo of myself, my husband, and one of our dogs that sits in our living room from a 4th of July four years ago. It was the first that he and I shared together where his feet were on American soil. For me it was especially significant for that reason. Of course the picture is cropped at a funny angle and the dog is terrified, the picture is by no means magic. It is all that it encompasses that means everything to me.
My husband and I were dating at the time and hadnt been together all that long. He had just returned from nine long months in Iraq and I was obsessive about making him take me to see fireworks. We drove deep onto the Marine base and now that I look back I feel bad because as I oohhheed and ahhhhhed over each firework he cringed at the sound they made as they went off. It is now after five years together and four deployments that I now know those fireworks are more then the celebration of the birth of our United States. To a Marine they symbolize much more.
Each flash may remind of a flare, each boom of a mortar round, and each picnic a reminder that someone didnt come back. We have so much to celebrate and so much to be thankful for. One day can not ever be enough so we must look back on what we have every single day.
This year we are going back to watch fireworks in the same place that we did years ago and we will remember those that have fallen for freedom. We will take another photo, we will bring both dogs, and we will remember.  We can not thank you enough but we will do our best to live our lives to make you proud.

Wounded Warriors and the Patio Snake - The things we do for others.

Today my husband saved me from a snake. Ok, this sounds like an awesome act of heroism but in reality it was a very tiny snake that could have killed me if it had been near me which it was not. The tiny enemy was on our patio when I spotted it and my husband, ever so bravely, scooped it up with a dust pan and flung it into the abyss. This all went on while I shrieked from behind the safety of our sliding glass door. You see I noticed this snake when I went to let out our dogs and I was donned only in a T- shirt and my underpants. Those of you that are close to me are not surprised by this because you know that I hate pants. I was more in fear that this tiny menace would slither past my naked ankles then actually bite me. The whole point is my very kind husband made quick to dispose of the snake for me instead of making me tackle this task myself. I found this to be quite cunning.
It made me think of the things we do for others. For those we care about and those we dont know.
Tomorrow a group of my friends and myself are getting up before the sun to run a race to support wounded warriors. To support and raise money for those that have given of themselves for us, those they dont know. I think we all have that in us, that ability to give of ourselves in a way that is so utterly selfless that others would consider us a hero. It is simply a matter of going there on instinct. The ability to go to a place of selflessness for some comes naturally and I often wonder why. Why is it that some have no hesitation when   they think of protecting others? If only we knew so that we might teach it to our children. My husband certainly has it and I can only hope that someday our children will too.

Osama and The Political Clash

I am not sure exactly where this whole situation when awry. For me personally everything surrounding this was a roller coaster of emotions. As the wife of a United State's Marine that has served a total of 4 combat deployments I must say that this pivotal point in world history was one that was celebrated in my heart. However, I am worried about the future and the backlash that is seemingly inevitable.

As my face book news feed began to fill on the night of May 1st it seemed that we were all on the same page. Everyone thanked the troops, their families, those that lost loved in the wars overseas, and mourned for those that were killed on 9/11. It was for one night that the entire United States was one in patriotism. However, that lasted little more then 24 hours.

Soon it became another political game. Who should get credit for the death of Osama? Was it a republican win or a democrat win. Was it Obama? Did Obama have the greatest victory of his Presidency and thus seal is re-election? I just cant seem to wrap my head around the fact that for me this war was not about the white house or who gets credit for saying "go ahead and kill the guy that slaughtered innocent American's of all races and religions." For me it was about lives, flesh and blood, fear and times where I had no idea if my husband would ever come from war. For my husband it was about following in his grandfather's footsteps, about being a United States Marine, preventing a draft, and about seeing the twin towers fall while innocent people died.

How about we just hold our loved ones a little bit closer tonight and stop being so competitive all of the time. No one has to be right or wrong today.... we can all just be American.

A new Yahoo!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7979951/a_band_of_tornadoes_proves_the_term.html?cat=8

Rising above fear

Fear is something that we become quite familiar with throughout the course of our lives. It starts when we are small children. We fear ghosts, the boogeyman, or the monster lurking under the bed. As we get older the fears change.

My fears began to transition from the monster under the bed into fear of failure, of not being accepted and of spiders. Yes, I do put fear of failure akin to spiders it may seem silly but to those of you that have come into contact with a good old North Carolina spider I am sure you are nodding your head in agreement.

However, when I married a Marine my fears evolved even further. I have a very tough exterior so for those close to me to imagine the person they know having any fear let alone deep, dark, emotional fears was something that was hard to swallow. But, I did and I do fear something deep down in a place that most of us don’t like to talk about. I fear being alone in the house when my husband is deployed, I fear the knock on the door, and I fear what all of that means down the road.

The glass half full side of me knows that there is a way to deal with all of these fears. Deal with them the same way that we did when we were small children. Scream, cry, and yell for your parents? Well, kind of. Talk about them and get all of those deep down and dark fears out into the open. Sometimes when we turn the closet light on those fears feel a touch less scary.

The fear that my husband will never come home is one that will never go away. However, it is a lot more manageable when I am comforted by his assurance that he is well trained, his team mates are strong and smart, and above all that his desire to come home is far stronger than any monster under the bed.

Yahoo!

I have recently started contributing to Yahoo! and about three of my articles have been picked up. (YAY, and they actually pay!)One of my new submissions to yahoo is below....

As the owner of two dogs I must say that both of them are like my children. One is a rescue and one was purchased as a tiny, adorable puppy, from a breeder. As it stands both are amazing dogs. But, let it be said that

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 you can not buy a good dog no matter where you seek to find it. There is no 'good dog' section at the pet store or the pound. Raising a dog to live with you is a work of art. I am no Michelangelo. 

There is oft great debate between the benefits of starting from scratch with a tiny ball of fur that you pick out as a little baby and bring home while it still as that intoxicating puppy breath and the scary world of the recycled dog. I have both so this was something that was also a debate within the four walls of our home. 

Our first dog was purchased as a welcome home present for my husband. He was fresh from the combat fields of Iraq and man needed a best friend. We had emailed back and forth for most of his tour about getting our first dog together and when I found an add for a miniature pincher in the Sunday paper two weeks after he was state side it seemed that the fates had decided she was to be ours. So it was, we went to pick up our little monster. She is an excellent dog that needed to be taught everything. She now sleeps in our bed, under the covers, and needs to be fed at 2am. She is still on Iraq time. 

Our second dog was a pre-deployment present to me from my husband. He found a rescue dog with a back story. The dog had been abused, found wandering the streets starving, was ill, had no back toes, and was the cutest dog I had ever seen. My husband drove 5 hours into South Carolinato pick him up and it was love at first bite. 

North Carolina is a kill state and the dog that we rescued was on his way to be executed when the rescue saved him. My husband was immediately and permanently attached to this pup's story. We had to fix all of his ailments, train him to trust, help him to gain 15 pounds, and let him sleep in our bed. He too is on Iraq time. 

Preview of Why Rescue? - Page 2

All in all I would say that each experience has both draw backs and selling points. Sure a shiny new puppy was great and it made my husband smile. However, to see the progress with our rescue and to know that if not for

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 us this dog would have no one makes my husband remember the good and innocent things that we can do to change the world. 

The absolute more important thing about choosing a dog for you is to know that is a life long commitment. Rescue or pet shop, dogs are a challenge. However, they will give you back what you give them ten fold. Every time my husband's combat boots hit the floor of our home to our dogs it is like he never left. To them love is unconditional.

Measure of Success

I know that this is a little of the topic but this is my blog and I do what I want. Today I began to think about how we measure ourselves and our level of success. When is enough enough? I feel like lately it has become less about the way that you make other people feel, the good deeds that you do, the effect you have on the world at large and more about other things. I feel that in some way we have to keep up. More is better. Bigger, better, faster, larger, thinner, prettier, smarter, more expensive.
Has life really come down to square footage and the number of degrees on your wall? Granted I fully believe in education... please do not get me wrong. But, somehow I feel that for all of the money I have shelled out in student loan payments I should at least consider the impact that I can make with all of that education. Cheese and rice, I have spent the sum total of 9 years in college and can ask that people call me Dr. should I not be encouraged by society to put that to good use instead of putting that towards parking something nice in my driveway?
I suppose what my rant really comes down to is the way that we see each other. Instantly we want to know what people drive, where they went to school, what degree they have and judge them on their outward appearance. I think as a whole we forget that people have a story. Often times that story is worth hearing. We are more than a resume or a facebook page. We can do more and be better. I know that their are exceptions to every rule. Hell, I live in a town full of people who have signed up to risk their lives for other people. That is inspiring. I just wish that the world as a whole was made of a little more give and a little less take. A little more laugh and a little less judge.

Another oldie but a goodie!

This post is a writing that I did a few years back as well... enjoy!

I suppose at this point I have become a deployment veteran... Three deployments in and you start to feel like there should be a ribbon for being a significant other. I started to feel this way the other day when I was interning at the USO and a Marine asked me if I myself was in the military and I began to reflect. I think it was because at times I feel like my life has become my Marine and his corps. I put so much into my life loving a Marine that sometimes I feel lost. During deployments I wait by my lap top or keep my phone within my sight at all times but it wasnt until last week that I really remembered why. Of course I always remember that I love my Marine with all my heart but last week through my internship I escorted a group of Marines during an honor guard ceremony as they took care of a deceased Marine who was passing through the airport on his way home to his final resting place. I felt such honor and pride as I walked with these Marines through the airport. I felt respect and sadness as I stood on the tarmack and watched them fold the flag that lay over their fallen brother. I felt connected as they returned to the terminal in tears as civilians clapped for them. It was then that I remembered that the reason that I have let my life become so devoted and tied to the Marine corps is because I simply can not help it.
I can not help who I have fallen in love with and I can not help but understand that his job is one that not everyone does because it is one that belongs to a hero. So I cling to the things that will bring me close to him while he is gone as I make it through another deployment. This is nothing that deserves a ribbon or medal as sometimes during times of frustration I think that it may. This is something that he deserves... that every Marine and service member deserves. Simply to have someone waiting for them if we are blessed enough to have them return home safely. After three deployments it is now no mystery why Semper Fi means so very much.

Approval

I am still pondering over the conversation that I had with my old high school friend regarding support and civilians and really we went into topics that went even deeper into ourselves and our past. One thing that we touched on was approval. I realized that I am a person that wants approval from those that are close to me and not so much in the sense that I want them to like my car or my house or my clothes. But, I do want them to be proud of me.
I wonder if my husband feels the same way? Does he need to know that anyone supports him? When he travels to a land where he knows that he may not be wanted, he is seen as a threat to those that live there, and he feels he has a job to do... does he need to know that someone is behind him or is he content enough in what he does and how he has been trained that he can sleep just fine knowing he has done well?
I know either way that he understands my support of him and my pride in him but he has never really asked for it it has always been implicit. I wonder is he secure or just brave or really does he just not talk about it. Is it all of the above?
This really isnt a conclusitory blog but just a stream of conciousness and really I guess a thought on the difference between my husband and I. I always needed to hear my mom say she was proud of me and it was so reassuring when she always followed through.

Part Deux - Coming home

A dear old friend (who is not old) pointed out a really great thing to me. She said it so kindly that in fact, I almost missed it. Understanding and compassion comes in all shapes and from many sources. I should not be jaded because there are those who do not understand but think that they do.
So... this is for you.
I have been jaded in the past because there are people in my life who said they would stand by me and have failed. But, as my mother has always said do not expect an apology from someone who isnt sorry. Those who have done me wrong are not sorry and so I must not hold their transgressions against those who are.
I need to be thankful. Thankful I am.
I have a group of new friends who have stood by me through thick and thin, a mother that is my strength, and old friends that have been with me through every step of this military life journey.
I hope that these friends know just how much I appreciate them. Without them I can not be me.
I love you...

Coming Home

This weekend I sat in my bed with one of my best friends and drank a couple few glasses of wine while we watched the show 'Coming Home' and shed some tears. The whole preface of the show is to highlight real life military famlies and their reunions with thier loved ones. The show was overwhleming and quite emotional as we watched the various servicemembers come home from war and surprise their loved ones with the homecomings of their dreams.
The whole show got me to thinking... does the rest of the country feel the way that I do when I watch this show. Do they understand what it feels like to wait for months on end for the person you care most about in the whole world to return home safely? My bet would be that they do not. But, is it even my place to expect that they should understand or even feel any empathy towards this life that I chose live. Granted one can not choose who they fall in love with but our life is a culmination of choices that lead us to our given path.
I think that my train of thought was partially inspired by the emotion I felt when I was told by a member of my family that, "believe it or not most people understand what you go through during your husband's deployment." My thought was... believe it or not most people do not understand.
There is an entire emotional cycle that one goes through each and every time a loved one deploys and forget about those spur of the moment deployments where we can not even expierence that full cycle of emotions and are left with a heavy heart and a half empty bed.
However, at the end of the day what really matters is that there are homecomings. They are filled with love, devotion, emotion and an array of feeling that maybe is better off left to those that have waited so many months for the return of those dusty boots. Perhaps it is better that others do not understand and these moments are left held close to the heart of a military family. These moments are sacred and we are so very priviledged to have them.

To be greatful

There are a lot of times lately where I have had to tell myself, "be greatful!". I have had to remind myself that this life is a thing of wonder. Sure, I could complain about all of the little things that are irritating, depressing, and just down right hard to handle. But, at the end of the day I have had and continue to have the love of a hero. There are few people in the world that get to say that.
I think that recently I have been a bit ungreatful. Even, dare I say it, selfish.
My husband has been tracking dirt on the floor which is irritating. I have to remind myself that I should be greatful to have him there to track his dirt on our floor. What more do I need? Sure, he forgets to replace the toliet paper roll and damn if he never loads the dishwasher. But, what would my life be if his dirty coffee cup never graced my counter top again? I can tell you that the thought of it grips my heart with fear.
I guess that is the reality of the life of a military spouse. We are normal and we get bitchy but we are constantly confronted with the fact that we are living a life that people write movies about. We live and breath among heros and if that doesnt snap you out of a funk... what will?

This sinking ship

The past week or so I have felt overwhelmed. To be honest this is a relatively foreign feeling to me. Now dont get me wrong, I'm no polly anna, but I just feel like laying around and watching Jersey Shore marathons and I have too much to do.
I think my feeling of being overwhelmed has come from actually having too much to do, being pissed off that my husband has hobbies (and he actually does them), and being irritated with the fact that most of our military community believes that I am supposed to drop everything for a FRO meeting or ladies a lunchin. News Flash... but, Im not a step-ford wife and this isnt 1950. Dont get me wrong, I am greatful for this military life and the benefits it brings. But, I think its a about damn time someone said... "hold up, wait a minute, its 2011 and we have personalities too."

What to say?

Today I was asked to write an article for my husband's battalion newsletter. Which got me to thinking... what do I write about. Anyone who knows me knows that when it comes to talking about military life as a military wife I cant shut up. But what do I say to a captive audience who really has an idea of what this is all about. Do I tell a funny story? Talk about the amazing friendships I have found? Discuss the feelings I have had when people have made me feel like my husband's job isnt as important as their husband's job even though they wear the same uniform? All of the above? I know that even though we as spouses are all different we fight some of the same battles on a day to day basis. Sometimes we hold our heads high and sometimes there is one straw that breaks the camels back and we have to let it all out. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

Its all about me!

As a brief intro about today I will tell you that over the past few weeks (ok months) I have determined that there are an awful lot of selfish people out there. The strange thing about it is they think everyone else is selfish. It blows my mind! Maybe Im one of them and I dont even know it. Could I be a delusional self - lover... well that sounded kinda gross but you get the point. There are those out there, we all have them for friends, that think no matter what shitty thing happened to you today whatever happened to them was worse. It could have happened to them today, yesterday or in the fourth grade but whatever it was it tops whatever bad thing you wanted them to make you feel better about.
Upon reflecting on this phenomenon I found an old writing of mine circa 2008. I wrote it before my husband deployed and we were still just young fools in love. I believe it was deployment number 2 for us? Maybe it was number 3. Hell, who knows the point remains the same. Sometimes we need a reminder that in this life there are other people along for the ride with us.
Enjoy my little story of pre - deployment self- realization:

So here it is 8:30pm (whatever that is in military time) on the last weekend before he deploys and I ready myself for dinner. Truth be told I have been readying myself for our last date night for at least a month. He, however, is packing his gear and I do everything I can do distract myself from everything that this task means. I straighten my hair, put on the dress that he likes so much, pretend that it doesnt piss me off that we are going to miss the movie that he told me he would take me too, put on my make up, straighten my hair again... then I notice he is still in sweats and still checking his gear list. So I, in aggrivation, take my engagement ring off and set it by the sink. I dont know what exactly this is supposed to symbolize but I figure whatever it is I dont want him to notice so I decide that Ill start doing dishes and laundry... all while wearing my little black dress. I begin to think to myself "self what the hell are you doing..." My former self would never in a million years wait for a man. In fact it was something that I was proud of. But now the dishes are done and he is is still packing gear... and there are more things in varying colors of camo that have accumulated next to the washing machine. I suppose thats a hint that they need to be washed. In stead of taking my ball and going home I pick up all things camo and stuff them in the wash... and begin to ponder his call to duty. Thus I begin to think about my call. I mean for God's sake I have a masters degree. I am in law school. I am not a confused little housewife that does dishes, and laundry, and waits for him to take me to dinner. At least I thought I wasnt. But then I remember that this isnt about me... not even a little bit not even at all. My call to duty is the same as his. Yet we go about it in different ways. I put my ring back on and I tell him that I love him. I empty the washing machine as I hum the Marine Corps hymn and my eyes begin to tear. I love my country and I love him. This isnt about me not even a little bit not even at all...

Day 1 - No one is here but it is a start!

So I have always wanted to write a book about my life as a Marine wife. As a recent law school graduate and having just celebrated my one year wedding anniversary I am learning something new every day.
One thing I have found out for certain is that as a military wife there can be no part time friends. You are in or you are out. More often then not it seems that most people are out. The ones that do stick with you through the moves, deployments, fights with your spouse, moving again, crying, celebrations, homecomings, babies, dogs, long drives home, and nights on the couch together crying over movies that no one else dare admit they even watch are the ones that will forever be a part of your life.
I suppose that this blog is my Tengo Yankee... my thank you... to them. The wine drinking ladies that dont leave my side. They are the ones that get what its like to be a military wife. I hope that this blog proves entertaining. If not well, sorry, it will be a place for me to let it all out. After all, when your husband is off playing superman more then half the year, every year. Someone else has to hear you bitch!